I’ll have splinters in my bum on Sunday – you keep it real

And so Oxford visit the ‘dark place’ on Sunday while Swindon entertain the ‘in-breds’ – just a couple of descriptive and rude comments I’ve read from respective fans of these two clubs in recent days.

Harmless, if naughty, insults, but hopefully the first derby game between the clubs in living memory (well it is if you’re under nine years of age) will be remembered for what happens on the pitch.

I have yet to make an appearance at the County Ground this season, while I’ve been sent to the Kassam on three occasions, but I’m looking forward to seeing what sort of side Paolo di Canio has put together.

I will be sitting firmly on the fence for this one and just hope to see a really good game. The atmosphere should be electric with a few choice words being sent down from the stands to opposing players courtesy of the two sets of supporters, but that’s where the line needs to be drawn.

A few years ago in the north east, the local police force decided that the Newcastle/Sunderland derby had become too hostile and banned the away support from the fixtures at St. James’s Park and Roker Park. Neither set of fans enjoyed the experience at fixtures the following season as the games had all the atmosphere of the Emirates on a cold February evening. And so – aside from a few numpties – once the local bill had relented, they restricted themselves to chanting abuse at each other and – depending on bragging rights - winding each other up at work the following week.

The game means a lot to both sets of supporters, but you can be sure that the players will be taking the longer view. Speaking to several Oxford lads about the fixture after Tuesday night’s win over Shrewsbury, they confirmed as much and I’d put money on the attitude of Swindon’s players being the same.

Don’t get me wrong, the players I spoke to are up for the game and want to win it desperately, but if Oxford win and end up fighting relegation, who’ll remember that?

Equally, if Swindon win and Oxford get promoted – who cares?

Is there really a sane fan out there from either club who would sacrifice league glory or safety for a derby win?

I have heard from officials of both clubs that the risk of the potential trouble and therefore the increase in policing costs makes the fixture less lucrative than a winter, midweek game against Macclesfield. In fact it is doubtful that either club will turn a profit on the two games this year. It would be ironic then if Oxford or Swindon needed to buy a player in January for a promotion push, but couldn’t afford it because of the revenue they lost in this fixture - due primarily to the potential or actual behaviour of their fans.

While I will remain neutral for this game whether I’m there or not, I don’t expect Us and Robins to join me on the fence. I know lots of really decent supporters at both clubs and I hope they enjoy the day. Equally, there are a few muppets who follow EVERY club and so if you see trouble developing – walk away.

I’m not sure whether I’ll get along to see the game yet, but hope I’m asked to cover it for the paper.

Enjoy the game, enjoy the banter, but keep it real. Your club needs you supporting them not undermining them.

Here endeth the lesson.