The C word

No, there’s no need to avert your sensitive eyes or engage the Internet Explorer child protection filter – the word I’m referring to is ‘cheat’.

It’s one of those words that is rarely used by people in the beautiful game. It is football’s equivalent of burning the Koran – no-one (aside from the fans) calls anyone else a cheat. It’s an unwritten law.

But do players cheat?

The outraged reaction of Newcastle’s Danny Simpson to the dive of Javier Hernandez in the dying minutes of Tuesday night’s game would suggest that the brilliant little Mexican assassin had, in fact, stumbled over his own shadow and played for a penalty – in other words, cheated.

Not that the Toon’s full back would come out accuse him of such a heinous footballing crime publicly.

If Hernandez had given him a swift kick I the knackers, Simpson – as a professional footballer – would have found that more palatable. And I’m sure that in those circumstances he would have made a mental note to exact some form of physical revenge in a future game. That's the honorable way of doing things in football.

But footballing people don’t like to be called cheats – or be cheated against. And so it’s odd then that so many of them are at it.

I’m not talking so much about the lower leagues necessarily (of course it happens in those divisions too, but I;'ve found it's generally more honest). And I’m not for one minute calling all Premier League players cheats, because of course they’re not. But shirt pulling, feigning injury to get an opposition player sent off and diving to gain an unfair advantage are all basically forms of cheating.

As much as referees are criticized by managers (usually as a way of diverting attention away from their own team’s shortcomings), I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve heard them labeled cheats – in over forty years of watching football. Not even the man in the middle cheats in football ... even if no-one really likes him!

But, then again, how easy is it for a referee to judge when a player is fouled or diving to gain an advantage (cheating)?

How happy would Sir Alex have been if Nani had won an unfair penalty for his own dive in the area during the first half of the same fixture on Tuesday?

If Manchester United had won by that single converted penalty, would Sir Alex have come out and condemned Nani for cheating with the same ferocity that he verbally attacks officials for incompetence – and gets banned to the stands?

No, of course not. Which, presumably, would mean that Sir Alex (as well as many other managers) see cheating as acceptable while making an honest mistake, or merely thinking someone has made an mistake, is the worse crime.

Frankly, when I talk to friends about inconsistent refereeing and the conning of referees by players, they seem equally as annoyed by both.

Most fans are cheesed off when their team loses, no matter what. But to lose to a cheat is really hard to take (and you don’t get as much satisfaction from winning by cheating either) and, ultimately, it all makes you question; why is it exactly that we bother paying for the privilege of being deceived?